(Soundtrack: Another haunting soundtrack by someone familiar) (Statistical Likelihood of Survival In Space) (Ending With: “Life in Space is Impossible.”) (REDACTED) (Silence) (POV: Starchild, Sometime After 2001) (Radio Transmissions) (Something Approaches) (Cast: Ed Harris) (Cast: Sandra Bullock) Someone (Grizzly II: The Revenge): Houston, I have a bad feeling about this mission. (Cast: George Clooney (Return to Horror High)) (George Clooney’s (Return of the Killer Tomatoes) Ridiculous Story #1, We approach the Shuttle, George Clooney (Red Surf) is effortlessly doing crazy loops around the shuttle) Ed Harris: Especially engineering. (Cast: REDACTED) Ed Harris: Can you be a little more specific? Indeterminate estimates make Houston anxious. REDACTED: No, no, no, Houston. Don’t be anxious. George Clooney (Unbecoming Age): He appears to be doing some form of the Macarena? That would be just a best guess scenario on my part. (As Clooney (From Dusk Till Dawn) does crazy loops about and REDACTED does some form of the Macarena and the camera moves about in circles and spirals and loops, Ed Harris relays statistics to someone who remarks - ) Sandra Bullock: Houston, I’m fine. (A brief back-and-forth about crises of communication, (mis)interpretation, and the problem with endless data) Ed Harris: We should have listened to you! We apologize! (A brief back-and-forth about how Clooney (One Fine Day) isn’t going to get the spacewalking record. Another opportunity missed.) Ed Harris: Enjoy your last walk! (A brief back-and-forth about how Clooney (Batman & Robin) wants to help Bullock so they can go back inside the Shuttle) (Clooney (The Peacemaker) makes his way over and grabs the shuttle next to Bullock, and - ) George Clooney (The Thin Red Line): Mind if I join the fun? Sandra Bullock: What took you so long? (Small talk about finishing the job) George Clooney (Out of Sight): Yeah, well, you’re the genius up here. I only drive the bus. (Chatter from Houston about - ) Ed Harris: Explorer, this is Houston. Uh, NORAD reports a Russian Satellite has incurred a missile strike. Impact has created a cloud of debris. Orbiting at 20,000 MPH. Current debris orbit does not overlap with your trajectory. We’ll keep you posted on any developments. Sandra Bullock: Should we - should we be worried? (George Clooney in Three Kings) (Pivoting the arm, the nature of Sandra’s prototype scanning system, letting the audience do the worrying for us, and - ) Sandra Bullock: Well, my eyes are brown. George Clooney (The Perfect Storm): And to think: He went to Harvard. (The View) (POV: The View) (Question: “What Do You Like About Being Up Here?”) (Response: “What I Like About Being Up Here.” (Sandra Bullock’s Version)) Sandra Bullock: The Silence: I Could Get Used To It. (CLOONEY (O Brother, Where Art Thou?) shakes his head and is at peace) (Discussion: First Inspection) George Clooney (Ocean’s 11): Houston, I have a bad feeling about this mission. Ed Harris. Please: Elaborate. (George Clooney’s (Confessions of a Dangerous Mind) Ridiculous Story #2 re: Mardi Gras 1987) (George Clooney’s (Solaris (2002)) Girl Wasn’t Holding Hands With a Guy, But Rather, Houston, Actually Rather, Except What I Mean To Say, Houston: is - ) Ed Harris: ISS, This is Houston. Ed Harris: Explorer, This is Houston. Houston: Mission Houston: ABORT. Ed Harris: Repeat, Mission ABORT. Houston: Engage emergency disconnect from Hubble. Begin re-entry procedure. ISS, initiate Emergency Evacuation. George Clooney (Welcome to Collinwood): Copy, Explorer. Explorer: Airlock engaged. George Clooney (Intolerable Cruelty): Houston, Elaborate. Houston: Debris from the Missile Strike has caused a CHAIN REACTION, hitting OTHER Satellites: Creating NEW Debris, Traveling faster than a High Speed bullet - up toward Your Altitude. How copy? George Clooney (Ocean’s 12): Copy all. Sandra Bullock: I can’t. The board is still initializing. George Clooney (Good Night, and Good Luck): I’m (not) gonna ask you again - ! Sandra Bullock: One second. George Clooney (Syriana): Not one second, NOW. Shut it down! That’s an order! Explorer: George, initiate emergency disconnect from Hubble.
George Clooney (The Good German): Alright, Shariff, let’s do this… Houston, update?
(Cast: Phaldut Sharma as Sharriff Dasari) Shariff: Roger That. / Ed Harris: Well, we have a full on chain reaction. It’s been confirmed that it’s the unintentional side effect of the Russians striking one of their own satellites. Phaldut Sharma: They shot down their own Satellite?
George Clooney (Michael Clayton): Right into the disposal. Most likely a SpySat gone bad. Now, it’s shrapnel. Explorer, ready to disengage HSV! Houston: Explorer, new data coming through ~ George Clooney (Ocean’s 13): What’s the blowback, Houston? Ed Harris: It’s not good. Houston: Most of our systems are GONE. Gene Kranz: Debris chain reaction is out of control. Houston / Ed Harris: And rapidly expanding.
Gene Kranz: Multiple satellites are down and they keep on falling. George Clooney (Sand And Sorrow): Define: “multiple satellites”? Ed Harris: Most of them are gone. Telecommunications systems are dead. Expect a communications blackout at -
(George Clooney (Darfur Now) upside down)
Ed Harris: Any Moment! (Time stops as something is far away)
Ed Harris: George, we’re receiving a transmission. A link to a video file. George Clooney: Is right now the time? Sandra Bullock: Yeah, George. George: Guys, the debris! Ed Harris: Relax, George. Sandra: Just breathe, George. It’ll wait. This is more important. George: How can you say that! Something is coming right at us! Ed Harris / Sandra Bullock: Something is already here. Houston: Transmitting.
(Video Link: George Clooney warns of Darfur-like crisis in Sudan border, Via CNN)
(English Subtitle: "What you're seeing now is a constant 'drop of terror'. ... Now, these aren't particularly accurate bombs. These are big planes loaded with bombs, and you just open the cargo door and 'throw them away'!")
(Japanese Subtitle: 「あなたが今見ているのは、絶え間ない『恐怖の一滴』です。……さて、これらは特に正確な爆弾ではありません。これらは爆弾を積んだ大きな飛行機で、貨物ドアを開けて『捨てる』だけです！」)
(George Breathes For a Moment, Looking Down At The Earth - And He Breathes - And He - And - )
Sandra: George, visual of debris! Nine O’Clock! George (Leatherheads): Half of North America just lost their Facebook. (POV: Something) Houston: Explorer, REPEAT, Expect a communications blackout at any moment. (POV: Something closer) Explorer: Copy that Houston. (POV: Something even closer)
George Clooney (Burn After Reading): Explorer, this is Clooney (Fantastic Mr. Fox), confirming visual contact / (Jagged metal zips by) / (Trend: 残りの期間、音楽は不特定に増加します) / (Sandra Bullock) / (The Men Who Stare At Goats) With Debris! Debris is from a VSE-SAT! Repeat! I have a / Sandra Bullock: Bullock requesting. / (Lens Flare, Clooney (Up In The Air) Maneuvering) / Sandra Bullock: Faster Transport. / (Clooney (The American) Charging) / George Clooney (The Ides of March): We have to go; we have to go, go, go! / (Spinning, LENS FLARE, Debris zipping) / Houston: (garbled) reports meteorological conditions / “no go!” / (Houston Disengaged) / (NOISE) / (DEBRIS) / (LENS FLARE) / Explorer: Houston, Explorer! Copy! / (George (The Descendants) effortlessly stops in place just where he needs to be) / Sandra Bullock: Requesting Faster Transport to bay area! / (Clooney (Gravity) POV: Bullock out on a limb) /
(Time Freezes) Someone else: George? George Clooney: What’s happening? Who is this? Someone: George, it’s me. I just - I have so much to say to you. So much. I wouldn’t even know where to start. I - you’ve helped me so much, and -
Sandra Bullock: Explorer, do you copy? / George Clooney (The Monuments Men): Explorer, Permission to retrieve Sandra Bullock. / Explorer: You’re a go - Houston, Explorer, Copy. / George Clooney (Tomorrowland): Oh! Ah! Watch your back! We need to get the Hell Out of Here! / A Man: Listen, George! Are you listening! I know: there’s no time right now. So, I’ll be fast. Solaris (2002)
(An Electric Signal Behind Them. A Man On A Tether, Arms and Legs Outstretched. A Man…) / (Debris frequency increases) / The Third Man: And everything else, George. Even that.
George Clooney (Hail, Caesar!): Man down! / (Sandra looks for cover) / George (Money Monster): Man down! / (George (The Midnight Sky) shields Sandra from the Camera’s View with His Own Body) / (Whistling) / (George (Ticket to Paradise) Goes For The Man Down) / The Third Man: You know, the one with the, uh, Credit Card? (Sandra whimpers) / The Third Man: The Neon? The Lights? The Ice? The Money? The Undertones? And here you were doing live shit on NBC and some dude is like “oh, the guy from HEAT left in a huff. Are you interested?” (Sandra) / (George (Wolfs)) / (Debris Upon Debris) / (Sandra Screams) / (Debris Careens Upon Debris) / (Explorer to - ) / (Anticipation of Rotation) / (Yellow and Grey and Gray and Part of a Flag and Debris and Writing and Fans and Circuitry and - ) / The Third Man: And I’m sure: you’re there rolling your eyes. Or maybe merely simmering under a cool exterior now. But, actually, besides Solaris (2002), that’s my other favorite Clooney movie.
(Intertitle: 山が噴火 (yama ga funka))
(The Old CRT Television Glitches and then reads - ) The Third Man: Allow me to explain: (1) Warner Brothers issues essentially the movie production equivalent of the Bat Credit Card to everyone involved, (2) They want it immediately, if not, sooner. (3) You’ve got 10 minutes before the live show, (3) The Terminator’s involved, so, there goes top billing, (4) Schumacher brings everyone in, somehow a huge crowd in a small room and he says “OK, we’re gonna make a movie about something I’ve only dreamt about - but foresee as about to occur - it’s all gonna seems weird but just trust me - we’re gonna film at breakneck speed, essentially improvisationally” and he adds “just be yourselves” (5) So, you do that. It’s basically just a movie about all of you. Sure, you’re wearing costumes, some functional, others less so but (7) And you know: you get a sort of hyper-real neon, a camera operated by a ballet starlet, and, uh, the nipple suits? (Intertitle: 多くの偉大な人々が出演する待ち伏せのライブ パフォーマンスは、必見 TV で実際に一晩で 2 回ライブで披露することに成功しました。(Ōku no idaina hitobito ga shutsuen suru machibuse no raibu pafōmansu wa, hikken TV de jissai ni hitoban de 2-kai raibu de hirō suru koto ni seikō shimashita.))
(Which Glitches To Read - ) The Third Man: (8) Re: The Nipple Suits. TBH, George, never saw the big deal. I mean, it’s kind of the evolution of the suit and all that. But let’s I dunno, I mean, *breathes* I did like Chris’ red hued suit in this one. Uh, “Clueless As a Superhero” was nice. And Uma Thurman, of course. I mean, jeez Uma Thurman. (Intertitle: 多くの偉人が出演するAmbushのライブパフォーマンスは、実際にMust See TVで一晩に2回生演奏されることに成功しました。(Ōku no ijin ga shutsuen suru Ambush no raibupafōmansu wa, jissai ni Must shī TV de hitoban ni 2-kaisei ensō sa reru koto ni seikō shimashita.))
(Glitch to read - ) The Third Man: Now, for the uh, I dunno, Terminator in the room? (9) Right, him. Uh, the series was evolving - at this point, limitless funds and just essentially trying to invert itself in everyway. So, it makes sense given such an inversion that you would be… I dunno, below in the poster, for instance. I mean, the movie works inversely in these little, ridiculous ways all the time. And people are still commenting on it now, all these years later. Which leads me to point 10. (Intertitle: 多くの偉人が参加したアンブッシュのライブ パフォーマンスは、実際、Must See TV で一晩に 2 回生中継されることに成功しました。(Ōku no ijin ga sanka shita anbusshu no raibu pafōmansu wa, jissai, Must shī TV de hitoban ni 2-kaisei chūkei sa reru koto ni seikō shimashita.)
George Clooney: (Trend: Music Shifts - Expanding Outward - Indeterminately According To The Second Law of Thermodynamics) / Explorer’s Been Hit! / (Circling Toward Frame) / (Past Frame) / (Away From Frame) / (Debris) / (Debris) / (Debris) / (Orbit: Downward Spiral) /
George Clooney: (Attempt to create gravity indeterminately through centrifugally applied circular force misinterpreted) / (Sandra Screams) / (Sandra Now Careening More Indeterminately) / George Clooney: Astronaut is off structure! Repeat! Sandra Bullock is Off Structure! / (Indeterminacy of all events increasing exponentially) /
(Intertitle: 制御不能でコウモリのように盲目 (Seigyo funōde kōmori no yō ni mekura))
George Clooney: Sandra, detach! / You must detach! / (garbled) gonna carry you too far! / Listen to my voice! / You need to (garbled)! I’m / losing visual of you! / In a few seconds, I won’t be able to track you! / You need to detach! / I can’t see you anymore! /
George Clooney: Do it now!